a thinking of thoughts

So there's this article on the Daily Fail. You know I like to bitch about them. But anyway, a series of thoughts have since occured since I read it.

I do sometimes think that my depression has made me stronger and more inclined to reflect on my behaviours (when I'm ok; when I'm in a bad phase, I find it next to impossible to be rational), but I think the meds help, and the therapy does a lot towards making me able to recognise destructive behaviour (and even differentiate between when a behaviour is good or not). Definitely, otherwise I'd never be able to cope, and I honestly don't know if I'd have made it to see 2009. But then again, I wouldn't wish it on anyone....

I see the argument of depression producing creativity a lot of the time. It doesn't, not really. What creates depression, to me, either seems to be phases of mania (I thank the deity of your choice or genetic luck of the draw that I am not bi-polar, my mood swings are bad enough as it is, thankyouverymuch) or an attempt to stave off depression. I know it is with me; when I'm really low I'm not interested in creating, not motivated to wash my face and eat something that doesn't come out the freezer section at lidl, let alone make something. When I'm not depressed, creating things is a distraction method - it gives me something to think about when I'd otherwise just dwell on things, or give me a way to relax and reflect when I'm really busy (one of my triggers being stress).

Not all depressive people create. Not all depressive people see their depressive phases as a positive thing, although some do, and I can see how it might help them deal (in much the same way that having the label "depressed" has helped me). Sometime, if all they have suffered is a one-off occurance, then it may be easier to see it as a positive thing, eventually. But when it happens again, and again, and I learn to see it coming, to know what will happen to me - then I can't see it as a positive thing.