Thursday, November 05, 2009


TankGirl died today.

Basically, she managed to get out at some point in the night (I have no idea how), and as her hutch door was closed I didn't think to check before letting Millie out in the morning. A couple of minutes later, I hear the most horrible scream, and see Millie has pinned something to the floor - so I rush outside and try to grab her. Millie was in full hunt by this time, and it took several minutes and attempts to get her to let go of Tank and for me to carry her inside.

Tank died in my arms after a couple of minutes, I don't know whether it was shock or being shaken.

I feel like such a fucking cunt. I was hoping Millie was finally settling down to Tank's presence, and I was hoping to start training her with a muzzle. I was planning on bringing Tank inside today, to hang out for a bit while I made soup (she loved broccoli soup, both for leftovers and the soup itself - especially with cheese in it, the little lunatic). Only yesterday I was joking with Inny that Tank would turn a roomba into her war chariot.

Hell, I'd even let Indigo out in the early hours of the morning and hadn't seen anything. I hadn't bothered to check, and now she's gone. She was so fucking terrified, she'd never screamed quite like that, even if she wasn't above screaming when I picked her up (instead of giving up and letting her run about the garden for longer, like she wanted). It was awful.

I know Millie doesn't fully understand - she was hyped up and excited because she'd been chasing things, and I'm trying not to be angry with her. She only did what comes naturally to her. It's not her fault. It'll be a long while before I start to forgive myself though.

I want to add, though, that Millie was considered cat-safe; she'd scored very highly in her test. Had I known she wasn't in the slightest safe, I wouldn't have brought her home. Indigo, while not cat safe in the slightest, and not being classed as safe, became safe through training. Tank lived outside so I could work on Millie's obedience without Tank attacking Millie like she did Indigo.


  1. Oh no! Oh, hun, I'm so sorry! I wish there were something I could say. I wish you hadn't had to see it but at the same time I'm glad for Tank that she got to be loved before she went. ♥

  2. So so so much love. I'm cry-y for you. <3